Thursday, October 1, 2009

This is the Story of No Torso Man...

In the world of odd shaped bodies, Lawrence Brinkley was a round peg in a square hole world. Lawrence was unique because he was born with no torso. That’s right, he has all the necessary internal organs to function like you and I but he does not have a true torso. The nature of the abnormality was not determinable at birth but as soon as Lawrence was born it was clear he was missing a large portion of the middle of his body. Because Lawrence was otherwise healthy the doctors decided to conduct no major lengthening process or traction or any other radical procedures when he was an infant. They thought by leaving the problem alone it may correct itself or maybe it was like a bad case of scoliosis, maybe they could correct it in a few years.

So Lawrence was sent home, he is from the Charleston, SC area and his parents, Tom and Jean, were loving folks who had raised 3 other children, Chris, the oldest and then his two sisters Anne and Margaret. All the other children were normal except for little Lawrence. Lawrence was always happy and bright eyed as a baby but as certain parts of his body grew, there was no place for his torso to develop. He was basically a head with a short neck and small area of skin and bone that connected to the lower extremities. His organ were intact but compacted into a smaller space than most people and he had a large protrusion off his backside. His arm pits lie just above his hips. He stands 4', 10".

Everything from the waste down and the neck up functioned just like anyone else. Despite the physical disability Lawrence lived a normal existence health wise, however, he has never been accepted in “the real world” and outside of his family’s small farm ranch house and dusty backyard off Route 17,people think he is freak. Everywhere he goes Lawrence is known by one name and one name only, No Torso Man. He used to hate the name and jeers and the insults but what he really hated most was that he would never look “just like them” and he knew it, but none ever knew what it was like to be “just like him” either. Lawrence had been hiding his feeling and something else for a long time.

As a kid when he played sports they had to put the number for his jersey on his ass and crotch. When he went to prom in high school he couldn’t wear a tux because he couldn’t sport a cumber bund and with no torso a vest would look even worse. When the abdominal fitness craze of the early 90s hit and it was “6 minute abs” here “washboard this” “marky mark got paid what for his abs??”And “I have a Crunch board, that’s how! You stupid No Torsoed Freak Show” it was especially hard on No torso man. But he never shared what he was going through, the pain, the cruelty, the hurt. That is not until now.

Behind the fa├žade No Torso Man was a small ship in a rough ocean, and the rain never seemed to stop. He tried to beat the swell back and keep his boat afloat but at times he began to sink. He knew the people who loved him felt sorry for him and that others never took the time to get to know and see he was a person who laughs and cried and bled just like them.

The interview you are about to hear is No Torso Man’s first public appearance since taking the microphone at a presidential town hall meeting and exposing himself under a long raincoat to be the most well endowed man most people have ever seen. If you have lived with the Bambuti Pygmies you are granted exemption from that class. For everyone else however, it was a shock. That day he let the world know that while he may not have a torso, he does have a voice…and one hell of a hammer. The clip received 26 million you tube hits before being taken down and No torso Man was a sensation. People took to him because they felt his pain, they too, in smaller ways knew what it was like to be insecure and wish your body looked different. At first he was embraced. He invited everywhere from the White House to meet with President Obama to Jay Leno, Oprah, the list was endless. In the Presidents words “You know, let me be clear, this is not some ordinary piece of equipment, we are dealing with something entirely new here. I know Joe and I haven’t and Nancy...well…actually Nancy probably has but this equipment should be celebrated with a beer in the garden. This is unprecedented” Leno gushed “how many guys would give up a torso for a package like that!!!”

No Torso Man has never taken one interview, after the event he slid into the darkness, until now. He needed the money like anyone and it would have been a great streak in the limelight but something nagged at him. He didn’t want to be a freak or a spectacle but he did want to be heard and he wanted people to know that despite what he lacked, he had a lot to offer too…and he was tired of being ignored and not getting the girls and no one being interested in him physically. It was his was of saying “You know what, this is what I have to say, and no one listens when I talk so why don’t you all say Hello to my Lil Friend!!” It was his own stimulus package if you will.

The arrest that followed from the town hall event and the people recogniznig him as the man who did the "town Hall Salute" put him in a bad spot. he was depressed, sad that he shamed his family No Torso Man was low. He hadn’t spoken to his family in months and didn’t even go to his mother Jean’s funeral because he so ashamed.

Now living in a rural part of the state No Torso Man has settled down with a very long torsoed women who he met a torso specialist. It turns out she wanted to get rid of her extended torso and he could use some of that extra space so they were a perfect fit. He says she is the only person who really understands him. She would not meet him until a year after the town hall event but that the event itself did not shape her opinion of No Torso Man. “Just because he doesn’t have a torso doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a heart!!, Shelly says. “I have seen this man do so many things someone with a full torso couldn’t do and he makes me happy.” It is at this point where no torso man goes back to being Lawrence Brinkley, the nice, shy kid from Charleston SC who just wants to smile and to be happy.

Here is the actual interview we did with No Torso Man.

Today, we are here with Lawrence and we thank him for his time and shedding some light on what growing up with no torso must have been like, how he is doing since the “event” and what pushed him to edge, what made this otherwise normal no torsoed individual expose himself in front of a national audience.

“Lawrence, thanks for the time”

NTM- Thanks Keith, I appreciate you giving me the time to explain what it’s been like.”

K-“there are a lot people out there think what you did was just some PR stunt that you pulled, but you say there is more.”

NTM-“I do Keith, I could have done a lot more things in different places that would have been better PR but I did this because I know many Americans, in a lot ways can relate to me bc they don’t look like they want to either and to a lesser degree I just felt like saying, you know what, i don’t have a torso, but I do have this piece of man meat hanging between my legs that should have a head with big teeth and scales covering it. I guess i really just wanted to let people know who i was and that i had something they might not..this was somethnig i had never experienced.

Keith-O OK OK, so you did it as a way of showing some people that everyone has something they should show off, is that correct?

NTM- more or less, I was just tired of people treating me like I was a zero and a disfigured freak and that if they knew what I had I would at least get some attention from the ladies, which was important for me, I was lonely and no girls ever took interest in me. I was a virgin if you dont count paying for it so it was hard on me, and my wallet. It was “oh Lawrence your so cute and cuddly” and you know, I got sick of that because im sitting there thinking cute and cuddly?? How about THIS, is this fucking thing cute and cuddly?!??!?! But I never did it.…..

K—Wo wow o Lawrence, sorry I asked, lets get back to the town hall event…you say you didn’t do it for PR but you had “PLAYFULLTILTPOKERNOW.com” sprayed down the side of your member.” That shocked a lot of people. Especially because of how many letters were involved…

NTM- well that, that was because I figured I was already doing and people had taken so much from me and i didnt have the same opprotunities for jobs like some other people so they approaced me about a way to make some extra money and i took it. i regret that.

K- It turns out the government wants to take that money back, is that right?

NTM- Yeah, they want me to pay 60% taxes on all the income because they claim that since my member is easily 5x the size of the average American member that I should be taxed accordingly. IT blows but what can do. Maybe if Uncle Sam had a wanger like mine they would see it like I do. I know they got huge balls though. That I can tell you.

K- Let’s talk about the aftermath from the town hall event and what has taken place since. What did you do after they released you from the courthouse and gave you the community service?

NTM- mostly I drank myself into a pants shitting stupor for a few months straight. Got mostly blind drunk and with my ass being so close to my neck I was literally up to my ears in shit. My nose is only a few inches from my crotch so the stench was palbable. It was terrible. I was completely on the down slide like I had never been before. There was one night, I was so low, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in a motel outside of Jacksonville and I been on a 3 week bender that took me through some of the scummiest towns in the pan handle. It was my birthday, March 18I gave a toast that day in a dimly lit strip club on a sunny day that maybe the good lord would strike me dead that night and put my sorry ass in a grave on the side of the road.” Well, I didn’t die, but I sure felt like I had. Turns out I did wake up on the side of the highway but the rain splashing off the mud flaps of 18 wheelers on the overpass let me know I was all too alive

I crept back to my rat infested shithole and took the belt off of my pants. I stood up on a chair and tried to get the belt over the beam in the room so I could get it over with. I tried and I tried and eventually I just couldn’t do it. Without a FUKING torso how am I supposed to reach this god damned beam to hang myself!!!??!?!?..” I fell from the chair and began to weep like a little bitch.Shit soaked, plastered and crying on the floor of a motel. What had become of my life? I looked into the mirror and I saw a wretched site. A man filled with self loathing and anger. A man who was alone…..

K- That must have been terrible, sounds like you really hit rock bottom that day Lawrence…

NTM- not so fast there Keith, I hit rock bottom about 2 days later after a skynard concert in Athens GA when they called the cops on me bc I did my “town hall salute” in front of a UGA sorority party after drinking grain alcohol on the train with a hobo I had met a few days before. Cops said I blew a .42 and could have died but if you asked me at the time I blew a golden opportunity to nail some really hot college ladies!” I drank someone else’s urine that day.” That i also regret.

K-Lawrence, again we need to stick to the topic here.

NTM- well you asked when I hit rock bottom; it was that day, in the holding tank at the Athens jail. I realized it that day when I was vomiting and shitting at the same time and other guys in the holding cell were turning away and also trying not to vomit. I remember looking into that stainless steel bowl with no seat and gripping the rim as I purged my stomach and my soul. It was the blurry vision of my gnarled self staring at me from the bottom of the bowl of a prison shithouse. Everything was loud, chaotic and painful, until for a brief moment…the water went still…
I fell into a trance, like in the movies when someone can see down on themselves.

K- NTM are you saying that you had an outer body experience???

NTM- I believe so, I mean I don’t know what to make of it but I do know that I was not myself that day and then from that moment forward I feel like a different man. I had a torso and i wasnt in jail and i had a haircut...it was like a breath of fresh air had been injected into my soul..

K-you seem much better, like you found some peace…When did you meet Shelly?

NTM- well we met after my birthday when i was really low and we just kind of fit together, in more ways than one. We met at a torso specialist in Charlotte and she was there to take some off and I was there to put some on. We never went through with it because we realized after that day that we are who we are….and we accepted each other for that reason so it was a real match. It changed my life. I am blessed. I used to feel like the old characters I read about and identified with. The hunchbacks, trolls, gnomes and the other disfigured characters in history. Now I feel like a normal person, except of course for this hammer I carry around, but ive always known i had this, it just took one major event for everyone else to know it too.

K-I know you are moving forward, I know you were offered a spot on the new Survivor and that some less than reputable people have offered you roles in the erotic film industry but by and large you haven’t taken any money offers from people since the Town Hall event. Does that speak to you trying to move past this and get on w your life?

NTM- thats exactly it Keith, I think there is a lot of people in the world with issues, and I am not different. But I also know that some dudes would kill to have a cock like this so I am just going to take in stride. We found out recently that Shelly is pregnant. IT is our hope that with the torsos we have that our little one will fall in the middle and have a normal torso and a normal life. I didn’t want to call attention to myself, I just wanted to be heard…what I did was a mistake but everything I have gone through has gotten me to this place, and this place is where I want to be...

K- Good luck and we look forward to getting an update from you and Shelly when the little one arrives.

NTM- thanks Keith.